Nurturing Marriage

To all you husbands & wives out there - I found the following in my files and think it is appropriate at this time. It's a talk I gave back in 2006 in Sacrament Meeting. This is just a small part of it. I pray that you will do what you have to to make your marriages strong and true - strong enough to weather whatever is thrown at you in your lives. Always remember that this life is a test. What are you doing with life? What are you doing with your marriage? What we do HERE and NOW determines whether or not we are together in the next life. We don't have time to put it off. We must be strong and faithful NOW!

NOW JUST DON'T SKIP OVER THE FOLLOWING SCRIPTURES - IT GETS INTERESTING A FEW VERSES DOWN:

Alma 32 – Alma is teaching the poor whose afflictions had humbled them. Alma compares the word unto a seed – it must be planted and nourished – then it grows into a tree from which the fruit of eternal life is picked..

1. And now, I impart these words unto men, yea, not only men but women also. Now this is not all, little children could do well to have these words given unto them, that they may grow up and be loving and nurturing husbands & wives.

2. I behold that you are lowly in heart; and if so, blessed are ye.

3. Behold you hath said, What shall I do? My sweetheart hast cast me in on the couch, that I cannot be loving and nurturing.

4. But, I say unto you, you haven’t been very good at that loving and nurturing….

5. And so, behold I say unto you, do ye suppose that ye can love and nurture your sweetheart no more than once or twice a year and stay off the couch?

6. I say unto you, it is well that ye have been cast on your couches, that ye may be humble, and that ye may learn wisdom; for it is necessary that ye should learn wisdom.

7. For it is because ye are cast out, and that ye are despised of your sweetheart because of your exceeding slothfulness in nurturing your marriage, that ye are brought to a lowliness of heart; for ye are necessarily brought to be humble.

8. And now, because ye are compelled to be humble, blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find themselves off the couch; and those that find themselves off the couch, and nurturing their marriage, and enduring to the end, the same shall be happy forever!

9. Therefore, blessed are they who nurture their marriage without being compelled to do so; or rather, in other words, blessed are they who believeth in the words of Sister Hubbs and start to do all the little things that count towards a truly wonderful and happy marriage.

10. And now, I continue on – as ye have desired to know what ye shall do because ye are afflicted and cast out.

11. I do not mean that ye all of you have been compelled to humble yourselves; you have not been cast out; for I verily believe that there are some among you who have already humbled yourselves, and have done what is necessary to keep your marriage happy and full of life and vitality.

12. But those of you have not yet humbled yourselves, behold if you will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, even if ye can no more than desire to believe that it will work and that ye can get off the couch, let this desire work in you, even until ye will have a wonderful and fulfilling friendship with your sweetheart.

I want to thank the Bishopric for asking me to talk today on Nurturing our Marriages. My sweetheart Don, has been on his best behavior this week! His teasing and sarcasm have been at a minimum. And Friday night, he wanted to know what I was going to say about him! He still doesn’t know!

Paul said that “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

The Family Proclamation says: “that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and

Elder Russell M. Nelson in his talk “Nurturing Marriage” states that “marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship.” And paraphrasing - yet some married couples fall short of their full potential and they let their romance become rusty, they take each other for granted”
President Spencer W. Kimball said “Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy,” “These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindnesses, and to increase their consideration so their marriage can again become beautiful, sweet, and growing.”

He also said in his book .” (Marriage and Divorce, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1976, pp. 22–23 “Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness)

I asked some of the people I work with what they did to make sure their marriages stayed happy and alive…What they did to nurture their relationship with their husbands or wives.

One young father, who has recently been released as a Bishop, said that he feels the most important thing in his marriage is communication. Talk, Talk, Talk! He shared experiences that he had as a bishop, where the first time a husband or wife knew about a problem was when they heard about it sitting in front of him as their bishop. Their marriages were struggling, they had come to their bishop for help and advice, but their communication levels with each other were such that neither one of them knew what the other one was feeling or that they had a problem.

Another man in our office is totally committed to his wife who has health issues. He is also committed to his job as the CFO and to his calling in a Bishopric. He makes us tired just watching his life. He works long, hard hours, and we have to make him take vacations, but if his wife needs him, he doesn’t hesitate. He is with her at all her numerous doctors appointments, checking up on her at noon, and just by his actions, she knows that she comes first and that he will always be there for her.

Another man in our office says he thinks it is the day to day little things that he does for his wife that keeps their marriage happy. Yes, he brings her flowers, he never forgets her birthday, or their anniversary, or the anniversary of when they met, etc….but what really matters is when he sees her mopping the floors after their 5 boys have tracked in mud, and he gets right down with her and helps her….or he recognizes that she is about at her wits end with their baby or the rest of boys, and he takes the child, changes diapers, tells his wife to go in the bedroom, lock the door, take a hot bath, and just relax – he will take care of everything.

My husband is the best wife and husband ever! I never knew what it was like until I married Don to go to the grocery store together. That was such a new experience for me. We have a great time in the grocery store isles. He does all our laundry! He cooks most of our meals or takes me out often. He always makes our bed and even gets the decorative pillows on right! Lately, he makes sure the shower stays clean. On special occasions, like secretary day, he not only brings me flowers, but brings flowers to all the other women in my office and in his.

We enjoy being together so much, and we are best friends. Yes, we irritate each other occasionally, but usually at the end of the day, right before he puts his ear plugs in so he can’t hear me snore, he tells me “I love you, beautiful”. And my heart just melts, and I smile and fall asleep. I feel loved and cherished. I can handle anything this world brings forth as long as I know he loves me and that he still thinks I’m beautiful, even as I get older.

And if he doesn’t tell me “I love you, beautiful”, I usually know that I’ve done something to irritate him, or I look really old & ugly that night, and then I can’t sleep. Then I wake him up early, we communicate and cuddle and all is well with our world.

One special thing Don does, is that when we come together in the Celestial room after doing a session at the temple, he puts his arms around me and tells me “Thank You”. And I know he means thank you for bringing the gospel into my life, for loving me and for putting up with me and thank you for being a great wife!

(Irving Caesar, “I Want to Be Happy” [1924])
I want to be happy,
But I won’t be happy
Till I make you happy, too.


The foundation of our marriage and most good marriages is friendship. Don is my best friend. I would rather be with him than anyone else. I would rather do things with him than anyone else. Now, Don is a great sports fan and loves pasta & Italian food. I love sea food. Do I love baseball? No! Do I love Italian food? No! Do I love football? yea, I do like football. Hockey? No! But do you know what we do for recreation, for vacations, where we go to eat often?....to baseball games….we’ve visited a lot of baseball stadiums across the nation, to football games, we went to the Football Hall of Fame in Canton Ohio when John Elway was inducted, we go to Italian restaurants, etc….and do you know why we go these places, when they aren’t my favorite things to do? Because I am a great fan of my husband. I like to make him happy, because when he is happy, I am happy. And he will go out of his way to make me happy. And I get a lot of fringe benefits….we get to travel a lot! when we go to stadiums, we always try to go to a temple session. We’ve seen a lot of the world. I have found food that I like at Italian restaurants. It’s just great being with him. And because we love to be with each other, and he loves me, he will still take me to Red Lobster, (he hates sea food & won’t eat anything there), but he will go across the street and get him something at Olive Garden to go, and then bring it over to Red Lobster so we can eat together!

President Kimball said “There must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.” (Kimball, p. 17.)

Think more of your husband or wife than you do of yourself.

With friends, you do things together, you are considerate of them, you consider their needs above yours, you find out what makes them happy and then you find joy in providing that happiness.

In a good nurtured marriage, there is no room for selfishness.
You cooperate with your spouse
You show confidence in them,
you help them through depressions and hard times, you say “We can make it through this” I love you, you’ll make it!

You show them courtesy. Men, hold the doors for your wives – open the car door, especially if she has her hands full of the baby. It shows that you have care and concern for them, and that you think they are special enough to do that. And wives, let them open the doors – it is a great example for your sons.

Be affectionate! Show each other daily by touches, hugs, kisses that you love each other. Both men and women love romance.

When friendship is a part of marriage, romance can ripen and becomes enduring. Do you want to know what will lead to romance? Be friends, that friendship will lead to time spent together. And as we spend time together, we will learn to communicate. And as we communicate, we will cooperate with each other. And as we cooperate with each other, we will learn to be considerate. And that consideration will lead us to confidence in each other, and commitment, and on to romance. Don’t you just want to hug and squeeze your husband or wife to death when they are being your best friend…as they are listening to you, as they are cooperating, etc….

You should know your spouse. Give to your husband or wife expressions of love. Do they like flowers, candy bars, books?

Make time to do things together. Keep courtship alive. Go for a walk, read a book together, go swimming, rub their back, work together,

When your children see you being friends, hugging, doing things for each other, your children will know that mom & dad love each and that your marriage is important. Your children will feel secure as they see your love for each other.


If we will love the Lord more than our own lives and then love our husbands or wives more than our own lives, if we work together in total harmony within the gospel, we are sure to have great happiness. When we go to the temple together, kneel in prayer together, go to church together, keep our lives chase – mentally & physically, and work together in building the kingdom of God, our happiness will know no bounds.

13. Now we will compare your marriage unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your marriage, behold if it be a true & good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your slothfulness, it will begin to swell within your breasts, you will feel these swellings of happiness, and ye will begin to say within yourselves, - it must needs be that this is a good seed, this is really smart of me to be trying to nurture my marriage; this is beginning to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, this nurturing my marriage, it beginneth to be delicious to me and to my sweetheart!

14. Now, behold, as your marriage is nurtured, and your love for each other swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then ye must needs say that this nurturing is a good idea.

15. And I say unto, Yea; it is a good idea, for every sweet little thing you do bringeth forth unto yourselves, its own likeness.

16. Therefore, if a marriage is nurtured and groweth, it is good, but if it is not nurtured and groweth not, behold it is not good, and therefore ye findeth yourself cast out on the couch again. Because of your diligence and your patience, behold your marriage will have strong roots, and by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your nurturing, and your diligence and patience, and long-suffering, and ye shall be eternally happy together with your families and with our Father in Heaven!

I love you all! Debbie/Wife/Mother/Grandmother/Sister

Sophie Renee Rigert

Cindi has a new granddaughter! Sophie Renee Rigert was born to Mike & Karla Rigert on 7/15/08. 8 # 11 oz, 20 inches.

Mathias's Pack Meeting

Don & I went to a great Pack Meeting at Tammy & Ammons ward last night. Jacob received his religious award and Tammy received her leader award. I'm not sure about the exact names of what they received....but it was fun being there. Notice in the pictures above that Joseph had to have a bandana around his neck too! Ammon awarded some awards to the boys he has stewardship over - he was his typical funny self! When Jacob was receiving his award - they were pretending to follow a trail along a great river or lake - using binoculars - and when they stepped off the trail - they got sprayed (they fell in the lake..Ammon grabbed the squirt bottle and sprayed Jacob all along the way and said something about "welcome to Oregon" or WET is how it's going to be in Oregon. It was a fun night. Their ward is going to miss them. It is sort of a bitter sweet experience being around them right now. I'm going to miss them all so much - they are only going to be here about 15 or 16 more days. It hurts so much to think that I won't be able to see them whenever I want to.